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Money Magnet in ManchVegas
Manchester: 02FEB99—Seven years ago, in the blast zone of the Gennifer Flowers scandal, Gov. Clinton told NH,
"You stick with me and I'll stick with you until the last dog dies."
They did and he did and, as Clinton pointed out last night:
"A lot of dogs have died since then, but not this one. This dog is limping, but still coming."
Public speaking has gotten complicated for Clinton, what with all the common words, such as "come" and "it" that make him sound foolish when he says them.
Outside, protestors chanted, "Treason is the reason," and carried signs reading "Go Home Caligula" and "Don't Comeback Kid."
The latter referred to Clinton's famous self-characterization after finishing a close 2nd behind Paul Tsongas in 1992. (In a completely tasteless aside, an NBC News promo last night mixed up its stories and superimposed "The Comeback Kid" over a picture of Jon Benet Ramsey.)
Inside the National Guard Armory, however, they adored Clinton. It was his first public event since acquittal and when he walked onstage the standing ovation lasted so long he nearly chewed his bottom lip off. It was an unnatural adoration, like the iconic reverence paleo-Republicans have for Ronald Reagan, or the worshipful devotion of Jimmy Swaggert's snake handlers. Perhaps it’s because NH Dems have more than Clinton's good economy to be thankful for. Theirs is also a political upturn.
In 1996, NH elected its first Dem governor since 1982; in 1998, the Dems snagged control of the State Senate for the first time since the Titanic went down.
Clinton gave a standard Social Security and Medicare speech, dry enough to put Michael Kinsley to sleep. Yet they hung with him. I was reminded of Alan Keyes addressing the Christian Coalition dinner the week before. He danced around the podium, filling the air with sex pheromones, letting it all hang for the glory of God. The fundamentalists found it as intoxicating as the NH Dems did Clinton's lecture on the budget, and what to do with the surplus.
When he was done wonking, with his best deposition face on, Clinton told the crowd:
"This an absolutely unpolitical comment. I am not being political when I say this: Al Gore has been as much a part of this (administration’s) success as anyone.
Most NH Dem hacks have either explicitly or implicitly endorsed Gore for president in 2000.
Buchanan Odd Man Out?
Manchester, NH: 25FEB99—Pat Buchanan owns the Union Leader endorsement, having long ago slayed publisher Nackey Loeb's editorial heart. She gushed and sobbed for Pat’s coronation in both 92 and 96.
He'll need all the help he can get. In the past two primaries, he's been the most conservative candidate on the ballot. But that’s not true this year. We’ve got former Veep Dan Quayle, Bob Sen. Potato Head Smith, former Reagan aide Gary Bauer, the new and improved Steve Forbes, and maybe Amb. Alan Keyes – all cut throat serious for the Christian and social conservative vote.
Go Pat Go, but where? Social conservatism or libertarianism? Does he think he can, as Reagan did, get the ideologically disparate wings of the Republican Party back in bed together?
Quayle Almost In
Portsmouth, NH: 12FEB99—Quayle flacks swear he’s "matured" since serving as the foil who made George Bush look good. But has Dan really grown up? Not that I saw. He's as thin-skinned and shallow as ever. He still says nyoocular power. His ideas are tired (lower taxes, strengthen the military, run up the deficit...), his jokes are self-serving and lame (Al Gore is the luckiest VP in history because he had Bill Clinton to take all the heat from the media).
When CNN's Judy Woodruff exposed a contradiction in Quayle’s claim to observe Ronald Reagan’s 11th commandment: "Thou shalt not speak ill of fellow Republicans" (Woodruff showed Quayle a fundraising letter from his campaign deriding Gov. George W. Bush (R-TX) for his self-proclaimed" compassionate conservatism"), the little Indianan got his back up, as he’s wont to do, and lashed out at Woodruff.
Quayle despises the media and his reentry into politics will do little to change that. It should be noted, however, that Quayle's national chairman is a member of the media, a colleague of Woodruff'’s at CNN – none other than the former governor of NH, Bush White House chief of staff, and "Crossfire" contrapuntalist, Ole Large and in Charge himself: John Sununu. It’s been said of Sununu that he doesn't suffer fools. He does, however, endorse them.
Smith Announces, 50 Attend, Including Family and Staff
Wolfboro, NH: 18FEB99—Sen. Bob Smith (R-NH), the Granite State's senior member of the upper chamber, formally announced his candidacy for the presidency yesterday at the high school he taught civics at 3 decades ago.
Smith, who registers fifth in one recent NH presidential preference poll and ninth in another, is clearly nobody's favorite son. Dem Party Chairman, Jeff Woodburn offered $100 in pennies to any "prominent" NH Republican who comes forward as a Smith supporter, because he said:
"Anyone who supports Bob Smith for president needs all the sense they can get."
After a week of no takers, a state rep from Laconia indicated his intention to claim the reward and donate it to the Smith campaign. He has yet to pick it up.
Sen Potato Head in the Frier
Wolfboro, NH: 22FEB99—Military booster and presidential candidate, Sen. Bob Smith (R-NH), ejected two Gulf War veterans from his announcement speech.
Smith refused to discuss the Vets' concerns about Gulf War Syndrome and had police remove them from the under-attended event for carrying signs questioning Smith's commitment to the issue.
A Kingswood High School student was also ousted for carrying a sign that read, “We Want B.S.”
Unfortunately for the high schooler, Smith's staff didn’t recognize the boss' initials. Fortunately for Smith, Bob spelled backwards is Bob.
Outside, one of the protesters, Jeff Swan of Tamworth, a 20-year Air Force veteran, politely asked Smith if he could speak to him. Smith ignored him and was reportedly overheard telling an aide,
“I don’t want to get into it with him.”
There's a losing attitude. A year to go until the primary and already Smith is sick of talking to people – and on one of the few issues he knows anything about.
Smith left immediately for Iowa, where he has spent the past 12 months courting the religious right there. And unlike NH, Iowa has a powerful religious right wing.
Smith actually polls better in the Iowa caucuses than he does in NH primary. They like him. But we know him. And the Christian Coalition doesn't ask difficult questions. They care about abortion, gay rights and school vouchers. Not much else. Smith knows those answers.
Pat’s Back
Washington DC: 25FEB99—Pundit turned pol turned pundit tuned pol turned pundit, Patrick J. Buchanan, is a pol again. And I'm appalled.
Last night the CNN yakker took his 4th leave of absence since 1982 from “Crossfire” to dabble in presidential politics. The former Nixon, Ford and Reagan aide will visit NH on Tuesday, Iowa on Wednesday, Louisiana on Thursday and Alaska on Friday to present himself to these early primary and caucus states as a presidential candidate for the third time since 1992.
Perhaps by this time next week well know whether were getting the economic isolationist, know-nothing nativist, Christian right Pat of 1996, or the anti-tax 1992 Pat.
Peasants with Pitchforks Miss the Monster in the Room
Manchester, NH: 02MAR99—It’s Big Dog Day for the first in the nation primary. Patrick J. Buchanan, author, journalist, political commentator, aide to three presidents, admirer of Generalissimo Francisco Franco and Tailgunner Joe McCarthy, announced his third run for the presidency.
Several hundred members of the Buchanan Brigade filled a familiar Manchester function room to hear him. Some carried pitchforks, which I thought were for spearing the giant penguins. Turns out they were nuns. Where else but a Pat Buchanan rally could you see a flock of nuns in full get-up?
Pat’s a pro. Doesn’t have a family, but gives a great pro-family speech. Never been in uniform, but gives a great pro-military speech. In his announcement he promised to put Chinese human rights ahead of corporate profit, and American workers´ rights ahead globalization.
Classic populist oratory retooled for Y2k, something for everyone. The guy next to me started growling when Buchanan mentioned immigration, unfair trade and our “lost sovereignty."
They all hooted “Go Pat Go!” for some reason, but I missed why. I was having a utopian daydream brought on by Pat’s rhetoric.
Earlier, Buchanan security forces ejected two protesters passing out anti-Buchanan literature. Local police threatened them with arrest. Their flyer discussed Pat´s more extreme views on minorities, gay people and the holocaust.
Asked yesterday on the Howie Carr Show about his alleged anti-Semitism, Buchanan indicated that his financial advisor, his accountant, his heart surgeon and many other medical doctors he’s used in the past are all Jews. In fact, he knows lots and lots of Jews. So what’s the problem?
Texas Gov. George Bush and Elizabeth Dole are both well ahead of Buchanan (he´s running fifth in most polls), but Pat fatally wounded President Bush in the 1992 NH primary, (which may be why George Dubya announced two weeks before he said he would, on the same day as Buchanan´s entry) and duked Bob Dole in 1996, winning the NH primary with 26% of the vote.
Il Buche
Portsmouth, NH: 03MAR99—I go to a lot of presidential rallies, press conferences, orgies and indictments. I see a lot of presidential candidates. I've been doing this for years. In all these years, I have encountered exactly three traveling with a private gang of thugs: Lyndon Larouche, Pat Robertson and Pat Buchanan.
You can draw your own conclusions, of course, but there’s more.
This week I was nearly ejected from Pat Buchanan's announcement speech by a "security staffer" wearing a cheap brown trenchcoat and tie he bought at the dry cleaners. He took offense at a fistful of flyers I held, which had been handed to me by a friend in the parking lot. It was anti-Pat propaganda. The guy who handed me the stack had already been thrown out and was going home. I was reading one when the security nitwit tied to give me the boot.
To make a short story shorter, I told him to fuck off. I gave him my press pass and when it became clear he couldn't read it, I gave him the flyers and suggested he use them in his outhouse.
He thanked me for my cooperation by sending one of his colleagues over to stand next to me and suck his teeth. His name was Horst, an XYY mutant with a shaved head and a cheesy moustache – no doubt a real nightmare after lights out in medium security.
As I said, I see all the candidates. Lots of reporters do and they'll tell you that Bill Bradley does not travel with a posse; nobody's got John Kasich's back; sometimes it seems Bob Smith isn't even with Bob Smith. So why's Pat need the goons?
Has his life been threatened? Is he too controversial? Does he owe people money? I'm just asking.
All Gender –No Agenda
Des Moines, IA, 11MAR00—Former Bush cabinet sec´y Elizabeth Hanford Dole made her interest in becoming our 43rd president official yesterday at a rally in Iowa, site of the first presidential caucuses.
The helmet-headed Dole came off the stage, as she did at the 1996 Rep convention, and worked the room like Bill Murray singing ``Feelings."
She discussed being a woman, and what advantages that would bring to the presidency. But she stayed away from what she’d actually do in office.
Dole also spoke to Iowa and New Hampshire in paid half hour television addresses last night. She said her presidency would first and foremost blunt the power of special interests in American government.
Her husband, Bob Dole, the former Senator from Archer Daniels Midland, was reportedly too busy to attend the announcement.
Forbes Wants the Job
Concord, NH: 16MAR99—Was it coincidence that the Dow hit five figures the same morning demi-billionaire Steve Forbes announced his candidacy for the presidency on the Internet?
In the small crowd at Forbes announcement on the sidewalk in front of the NH State House in Concord, a secretive cadre of “activist fat cats” crashed the camera shot with signs reading "Forbes for President, Because Inequality isn't Growing Fast Enough," and chanting "Let the workers pay the tax, so the investors can relax."
Apparently Forbes organizers were unaware that "Billionaires for Steve Forbes" planned a demonstration of support, because they tackled the well-dressed swells and tore up their signs.
This wasn't the only example of bad planning at the event. Whose idea was it to have the announcement outdoors in March in New Hampshire? And what putz hired the mentally arthritic Bob Roberts wannabe to "entertain" the two dozen people awaiting Steve's arrival? Call me a Philistine, but two-chord, right-wing protest songs should at least rhyme.
Anyway, because of the billionaire scuffle, I didn't hear a word of Forbes' speech. No problem. I've heard him many times before. He strikes me as guy singing karaoke on a Friday night after work; he's had a couple of pops and is clearly on stage for his own amusement, unfazed by his lack of talent or the snickers in the crowd.
In a way, running for president is hard work for Forbes, who could be home ironing his T-Bills or artificially inseminating one of his prize-winning cows.
If Steve seems a tad stiff, it's because he went to work at Forbes magazine directly after graduating from Princeton and has been there since. His first job interview was in 1996 when he ran for president the first time.
The job at Forbes was waiting for him, of course, because his grandfather founded the money mag back in the 1920s. He once said that you could make a lot more money giving advice than taking it.
Steve Forbes is about to take a year's worth of advice, costing him $30 million. And he only makes a $174K from the flat tax. ROI? The forecasts are not good.
President Sugar Lips
Portsmouth, NH—Elizabeth Dole, advisor to presidents since LBJ, former Sec'y of Transportation and Labor, former Red Cross president and almost First Lady, is ABI (all but in) the 2000 presidential race.
People have urged her to run for years; her husband knows a few people who can help; she already lives in Washington -- so why not?
But can she be elected? Polls indicate that 30% of the American electorate would never vote for a woman president under any circumstances. But certainly the same can be said of most presidents.
Actually, considering half the electorate doesn't vote in presidential elections, we can say that close to 75% of the electorate would rather tongue-smooch Strom Thurman than vote for our last few presidents.
Dole's problem in both primary and general elections is that most of 30% who won't vote for a woman are Republican voters. Considering Pakistan and India have both had women Prime Ministers, what does that tell you about the US?
Still, perhaps what Dole loses among misogynists, she picks up in the Loreena Bobbit end of the spectrum.
The power elite in DC affectionately call Dole "Sugar Lips" because her Carolinian gentility, native intelligence and hubba-hubba good looks make her a first-rate player in the DC persuasion game. Whatever Dola wants, Dola gets. Shes considered the tough half of the Dole partnership.
What makes her a formidable candidate is money and name recognition. When Bob Dole ran against Bill Clinton in 1996, he raised $37.5 million in campaign contributions by March of that year. Sugar Lips intends to tap Bob's pals one more time.
Bauer, Smith, Alexander: Bush “Wimpy”
Portsmouth, NH: 03MAR99—If Ronald Reagan were dead, he’d be spinning in his grave. The 11th Commandment was shattered yesterday by Lamar Alexander, Gary Bauer, and Bob Smith – three guys with nothing to lose – when they called George W. Bush’s position on abortion, "Wimpy and ambiguous."
The reason for the 3 Amigos´ attack on George Dubya is obvious. He’s the lead dog, polling 28 points ahead of the nearest competition, Sugar Lips Dole. Dole’s position on abortion is as conservatively suspect as Bush’s, but her name was left out of the harangue.
Political Consultants Move Down Food Chain Again
3rd Time this Week
Concord, NH: 04APR99—For no apparent good reason, the NH House voted to change the way candidates are listed on the first-in-the-nation primary ballot yesterday.
Currently, candidates get their ballot position (the top being the best and so on, until you get to dead last, which is better than being in the middle) by lottery, by town. But HB 374 would make it a statewide lottery, rather than locally controlled. A counterintuitive proposal here in the Granite State, where we collect 90% of our taxes locally. But then of course, we did have the first lottery in the nation, too.
The reason ballot position is important, according to campaign professionals, is because a significant number of voters don't know who to pull the lever for, so they vote for the first name they see.
Maybe this was true four or five decades ago, when large majorities of voters went to the polls. But Election Day has gone the way of Ash Wednesday and Lincoln's Birthday. People who are interested and predisposed still observe them. Nobody else.
Can it be possible now – with less than half the voters bothering to go to the polls – that those who do vote don't know why or who for?
May I remind campaign professionals that they've scared off a quarter of the electorate, and bored to death another 25 percent. Those of us who remain expect a good deal more than ballot position from a candidate.
Lamar Moves His Operation
Concord, NH: 08APR99—Lamar Alexander will move his national campaign organization to NH in an effort to save its life. The air here is good for campaigns. Lamar's state chair, former state Att'y Gen'l Tom Rath, reports that national campaign manager Brian Kennedy and three other will begin working out of NH ASAP.
Griffin First Rat off Sinking Lamar
Manchester: 09APR99—Patrick Griffin, a partner in OGBE Communications of Manchester, resigned his commission from Lamar Alexander's presidential armada today. Griffin had been media advisor to Lamar since 1993.
Griffin, second in the motorcade only to former Att'y Gen'l Tom Rath, says he wants to spend more time with his children and as a Sunday morning pontificator on WMUR channel 9 – and possibly to get involved with another campaign “at some point in the campaign cycle.” So maybe he figures his kids will get sick of him.
Alexander’s fundraising effort is reportedly munching its seed corn, suffering from a drought brought on by Elizabeth Dole’s countdown candidacy.
Quayle Finds His Way Out of the Box
Huntington, IN:14APR9—Hamlet on the 19th green, former Veep Dan Quayle, has finally officially announced. He’s been threatening to for months, starting with a pre-exploratory committee shindig, followed by the actual exploratory announcement, and now, the unveiling of the candidate. Wowe.
Dole Picks a Leader
Concord, NH: 17APR99—Still reeling from high-profile Republican activist Barbara Russell's leap onto the Bush barge, Sugar Lips Dole has named Vertical Market Ventures President Jesse DeVitte to lead her NH primary campaign.
Sugar Lips also went to Albania to look presidential. And she almost did. Red Cross Presidential.
Keyes on Hockenberry
Bedford, NH: 28APR99—John Hockenberry and MSNBC came to NH last night for a live broadcast, and the hacks and pols were there in force. Just before airtime, Hockenberry instructed them to be “As loud as you can," and they did not disappoint. NH political activists are like British soccer thugs without the brand loyalty. They don't need much prodding to get frisky. One political professional reminded me of a riot on Elm Street in Manchester in 1992 between the Bush and Buchanan Brigades. Hundreds of people hitting each other with campaign signs, cops busting people in cardigan sweaters, grandmothers cursing and kicking like jilted gay lovers on Jerry Springer. That's the show America expects from the NH primary, and we deliver.
Observed last night:
Empty-eyed Barbies and Kens wearing Quayle 2000 stickers on the lapels of their conservative suits, wishing they were older, not realizing how stupid that is. Or, for that matter, how stupid Dan is.
Alan Keyes guarded by knuckle-draggers packing conspicuous heat.
All eight of Bob Smith’s supporters in attendance.
A guy with a ponytail holding a Buchanan sign.
Hockenberry quaffing a much deserved, after-show, very dry Tangueray martini with four olives.
Guests on the show included Pat Griffin, who was introduced as radio talk show host. That's news to me. Griffin is the big swingin' dick at OGBE Communications (the “G” is for Griffin) and a highly paid Republican operative. He recently quit his 6-year relationship with Lamar Alexander. Word is George Dubba Bush made him and offer and he's cooling his heels so as not to appear fickle. Operative word there: appear.
Sen Bob Potato Head Smith was there via TV, because he wasn't in NH. In fact, he hasn't been here for quite a while. And he hasn't been in Washington either. He's been in Iowa and elsewhere running for president with very little success. Since he's the Jesse Helms of the north, my question for him would have been:
Please explain the conservative thinking on spending 2+ years quixotically pursuing the presidency while drawing a big federal salary.
Pat Buchanan was also there by remote from Ohio and had nothing interesting to say. It's tough to run as a populist with no popular angst to exploit.
Alan Keyes was there in person (he's in NH a lot) giving parenting advice, while his wife was at home alone with their kids. Nice guy.
Hockenberry needled Keyes about whether he's actually running or not. Keyes gave a meandering answer about 19th century political movements and how they chose their standard bearers. The real reason Keyes hasn't so much as formed an exploratory committee is because he'd have to give up his talk radio job. It would also trigger federal regs governing how he can raise and spend money. Keyes is a professional candidate. He ran for US Senate in Maryland twice, paying himself a $100 thousand salary from campaign funds, and got a lot of bad press for it.
George Dubba was the only unrepresented Republican candidate. Keyes called him, “A name with no substance." Buchanan said he'd meet Bush in NH “And that's where we'll leave him." One of Hockenberry's guests called him “”Beat Around the Bush Bush."
It was a bad move for Dubba's local supporters (who include our senior US Senator and one of the state's two congressmen) not to have sent a contingent to cheer when Hockenberry called out Bush’s name. It reinforces what many observers already believe. – Dubba’s support is wide but shallow, poll-driven and bereft of staying power.
Sen Smith Speechless
(Not a Standing Hed)
Belgrade, Yugo, 3MAY99—Jesse Jackson did a good thing, we thought, and brought home the American POWs from Yugoslavia. But I dare you to find a pol on either side of the aisle who sees it that way.
Dems are hot at Jackson for going to Belgrade at all. Bill Clinton, who apparently now wants to go down in history as the Bismark of the Ozarks, told him not to.
Reps saw the POWS as a daily reminder of Clinton's incompetence in international relations. And now that's gone.
Prez candidate Sen Bob Smith (R-NH) got the news of the POWs' release on a Boston radio talk show. His intial reaction was “Oh.” When the host re-read the news to Smith, thinking he hadn’t heard him properly, Smith said, “Hmm.” He could barely contain himself.
Jesse meets with Clinton today. He's carrying a letter from Slobo. For Veep Al Gore's sake, perhaps the President will use this as an opportunity to stop the bombing of Al Gore's presidential hopes
Forbes to Drop $10 Million on Early Ad Campaign
Spend It If You Got It
Manchester, NH: 31MAY99—Billionaire boobie and presidential candidate, Steve Forbes, the Pia Zadora of American politics, will spend $10 million of his family's money on an advertising blitz guaranteed to make him well, $10 million lighter in the wallet.
Forbes tells New Hampshire voters that he'll have a decision on whether to run for President of the United States by the end of February. So we can all stop holding our breath.
Forbes' chief key guy in the state, Paul Young, a long-time conservative political professional, says if Forbes runs he'll strap together a "Reagan-style coalition."
In case you don't remember, that's social conservatism in bed with political conservatism, who's having an affair with hardcore capitalism, and might be pregnant by a guy in the army. It's an unholy alliance of religious zealots, cheapskate libertarians, and happy-talk warmongers that survived on the nourishment of Ronald Reagan's personality, something Forbes lacks in spades.
Forbes, who came in 4th in NH in 1996, has been in state twice in the past week. He spoke at the NH Christian Coalition dinner – a wingding billed as the kick-off of the NH Primary. It was organized by the national CC, because the local chapter could barely fill a church, and was attended by 1000.
NH Republican Chair Steve Duprey intimated that the nat'l CC papered the crowd with out-of-towners, and that it wasn't truly the first big event of the season. The State Committee jealously keeps that gig for itself--it's a big money-raiser – and it won't be for a couple of months.
Sen Potato Head Eyes a 3rd Party Run
Manchester, NH: 2JUN99—Sen Bob Potato Head Smith (R-NH) will let the nation know “within 60 days, max" whether he will bolt the GOP for a third party run at the presidency.
Smith claims the Republicans have become" the party of globalism and big money, and elitism and special interests." This was a good thing, of course, when Smith was on the receiving end of all that special interest cash. Now that it's going to other presidential candidates, it's a bad thing – bad enough to exit the party.
Smith also complains that the GOP “walked away from guns," referring to recent votes in Congress that would require background checks at gun shows.
Truth is, the Republicans have walked away from Smith. There's an utter lack of grassroots or official support for his presidential candidacy, which is the subtext of Smith's whining about the GOP.
Smith, famous for his huge ego (inversely proportionate to his IQ), is frustrated and disheartened by his party's rejection of his presidential ambition.
He’s reportedly currently weighing the possibility of running as either the Reform, Libertarian or US Taxpayers' Party standard bearer (the Reform and Libertarian Parties are both officially pro-abortion, a fact Smith is probably unaware of).
Smith believes conservative Catholics, such as former Boston Mayor and Ambassador to the Vatican, Ray Flynn, who recently took over the Christian Coalition's Catholic wing, and other pro-gun, anti-abortion and pro-military groups, such as the Konservative Kitizens Kouncil, will give him the 35% he needs to win a 3-way race in November.
The Smith campaign has researched state ballot access laws over the past few months, and Smith is making a short list of potential running mates. He says he's looking for “a dynamic speaker” (by his standards, that's anyone who can string more than four words together). Alan Keyes, perhaps?
Forbes Foots the Bill and Flops
Steve Forbes threw a cookout in Manchester's Veteran's Park last Friday afternoon in a failed effort to match Lamar Alexander's second annual Republican lobster bake success this summer. Forbes's event, dubbed a "Republican Victory Party," flopped and the reasons are obvious.
1. Venue. Democrats who vote Republican populate the Queen City. They do not attend Republican events, even if means a free lunch. About 100 people showed up - including the street people.
2. Food. Lobster, steamers, chowder and corn on the cob vs. hot dogs and pre-packaged e-coli burgers. You do the math.
3. Message. The image of supply-side Steve Forbes doling out a free lunch doesn't work. Better he ran a tax-avoidance seminar in Bedford. He'd have had 5000 people there without the suck-up food.
4. Delivery. Forbes's speech was about as rousing as a butt-thong snap from Monica Lewinsky.
This is the earliest presidential ad campaign ever launched -- a full 18 months before the general election and more than eight months before the NH lead-off primary. Forbes media strategists believe an early start will give them more opportunity to pick Forbes' pocket before he comes to what little sense he has and quits the race.
Bob Smith in a Movie? Makeup!
Concord, NH: 8JUN99—Sen Bob Smith is getting some good TV face time – but please, don't confuse that with taking it in the face.
A video tape of the frothy-around-the-lips presidential candidate opens a new documentary film, “It's Elementary: Talking About Gay Issues in School.”
The scene shows a histrionic Smith ranting about gay and lesbian “filth” infiltrating America's public education system. Smith shouts, “We must protect our taxpayers by keeping this trash out of our schools.”
The film's Oscar-winning writer/director, Debra Chasnoff, says the film is meant to spark discussion about same-sex marriage and gay/lesbian stereotypes among teachers and school children, not to promote or disparage homosexuality.
Smith served in the US Navy during Vietnam and spent a lot of time deep in the bowels of big ships, sleeping on tiny bunks next to sweaty, heavily-muscled men. So presumably he comes by his knowledge of homosexuality honestly.
The film airs on 90 PBS stations June 18th. WUNH, New Hampshire's public television station, joins the 80 PBS affiliates that will not show the documentary.
Sugar Lips and Sweat
Belmont, NH: 28JUN99—For those wondering what Sugar Lips Dole would bring to the presidential race, the question was answered at the Belknap County Republican picnic: Fashion.
“My my," she told one party-goer, “What a cute outfit.”
It's all about fashion. Sugar Lips dresses in an understated, dignified style, her sweater just tight enough to make the frat boys consider throwing her a vote, her cardigan conservative enough for the Christian Coalition-types to give her the once-over, her skirt cut just above the knee, belaying any speculation of undue cellulite or pesky varicose veins.
Her hair is more windswept than it once was. When she first entered the race, she wore enough lacquer on it to take a bullet. Now it occasionally falls into her eyes, which she rolls and twinkles, subliminally saying, “See, I have problems, too.”
John McCain was there, as well. He shook the hand of every man who looked over 60 and said “Thank you for serving, thank you for serving," flat-out assuming there wasn't a 4-F or a draft-dodger among them.
McCain's a bandy little guy who's comfortable in a uniform, which for him is a blue oxford shirt, a striped tie, dark pants and loafers. I saw him in the morning marching in a parade. By the end of it he was pitted-out from the nape of his neck to the crack of his ass. Then I saw him later that afternoon at the picnic and he was wearing the same ensemble, but it was a new outfit. He looked crisp – good enough to testify before an unhearing, uncaring senate committee on campaign finance reform.
But he wasn't in Washington wielding power. He was in NH trolling for votes. He smiled at the guy passing out the hotdogs. “Thank you for serving,” he said.
Fed Men Wear Plaid
Manchester, NH: 10MAR99—Former TN Gov and Bush Sec’y of Education Lamar Alexander is the latest to officially announce what everyone already knows – he’s exploring the possibility of running for president in 2000.
Lamar never stopped running for president after dropping out in 1996. He’s spent more time in NH since than our senior senator, Bob Smith, has. Four years of intensive retail campaigning could pay off, I suppose. As my dentist told me,
"Lamar’s bought me two lobsters, One more and I’m voting for him."
Give a Man a Lobster and Feed Him for One Day…
Rye, NH 20AUG99—Former Sec’y of Education and TN Gov Lamar Alexander drew 2600 New Hampshire Republicans to his 2nd annual Republican lobster bake at Odiorne State Park tonight. The big to-do was hosted by Alexander's Campaign for a Better America PAC and attracted a small army of candidates, supporters and office holders, including US Sen Judd Gregg and US Reps Charlie Bass and John E. Sununu. Also in attendance was the national chairman of Alexander's PAC, Iowa Governor Terry Bransted.
Bransted was first elected 16 years ago in 1982, the same year Congressman Sununu's father, John H. Sununu was elected Gov of NH. Bransted also founded the conservative Legislative Exchange Council with NH State Senator Bob Monier 25 years ago. Most recently, earlier this year, Bransted joined forces with NH Governor Jeanne Shaheen to ensure the primacy of the NH First in the Nation Primary and the Iowa Caucuses. Bransted will not seek reelection.
Alexander was well-received by the Republican faithful as was his latest political position, encouraging parents to raise their children, rather than relying on the government.
The lobster was good, but best party favor of the evening was Alexander's "Little Plaid Book," which contains 311 pieces of sage advice for candidates, none of it original or interesting.
Big Win, Big Yawns for Gore and Dubba in Iowa
Portsmouth, NH: 25JAN00—Despite winning this week's tit-in-the-wringer award for new revelations on his drug past, Al Gore also won the Iowa Caucuses by the 2-1 margin his campaign droogies predicted.
Dubba won big, too. And Forbes ran a strong second that anyone else would have reason to be buoyed by.
The night before, Keyes bodysurfed in a hardcore Christian mosh pit, then got up the next morning and banged out a respectable third place show.
Bauer's still stuck in single digits, but he's got some money, so he'll hang on. Or not.
And alas, Orrin Hatch, the Mrs. Grundy of the primary season, will drag his skinny-cat ass back to Utah.
Now comes the New Hampshire primary, a real election.
She's All Over Cyber Porn Like Hart on Rice
Donna Rice, the Monica Lewinsky of the 1980's, is now a born-again cyber-censor. Ms. Rice, re-nee Mrs. Hughes, is VP for Marketing and PR for Enough is Enough, a nonprofit group working to end pornography on the Internet.
The 1987 toothy photo of Rice nestled in the lap of former Sen Gary Hart (D-CO) aboard the pleasure cruiser "Monkey Business" off the coast of Bimini ended Hart's 1988 presidential bid. Hart quit the race, then jumped back in when it became clear that Mike Dukakis would win the NH primary. Dukakis, of course, went on to run the most inept presidential campaign in modern history, losing miserably to George Bush.
History might have been significantly different had Hart not been such an indiscreet philanderer.
Rice went on to capitalize on her infamy by starring in Guess Jeans television ads. Somewhere on the road to Damascus, she got knocked off Gary Hart's lap and found Jesus. But she continues to cash in on her party girl past by denouncing things and people she disagrees with. Good work if you can get it.
Quayle, Lamar, and Forbes Lash Out at Compassion
Former veep Dan Quayle will visit NH very soon after his 2-state presidential candidacy announcement. He's already mailed a propaganda piece to NH Republicans, trolling for money and explaining his prickliness at the phrase "compassionate conservatism." And he denies it's merely a shot at Gov George W. Bush (R-TX), who described himself as such during his 1998 reelection campaign.
Erstwhile presidential candidates Lamar Alexander and Steve Forbes had the same criticism of the phrase on the grounds it implies conservatives aren't normally compassionate. I bet they don’t like to be described as white and well-off, either.
Forbes dissed Bush the Elder, too, tagging his 1988 "kinder, gentler government," remark as the genesis of all this Republican mushiness. (Nancy Reagan reportedly hated Bush for using that line in his inaugural address.) Will old fights will be re-fought in 2000 by people named Bush, Quayle and Dole?
Forbes jabs at the entire 2000 Republican field, saying that while there are familiar names in the race, "We have been down that electoral cul-de-sac twice before. I suggest we try something new for a change, like winning." Like he didn’t in 1996.
Frig Newton
As predicted in these pages last Wednesday, House Speaker Newt Gingrich will be a private citizen soon. There's no need for an exegesis on election `98 to understand why. Newt’s got no balls.
The guy can't take a punch. His first self-preservation instinct was to serve up his old friend and fellow Georgian, Rep John Linder, the Chairman of the Republican Congressional Campaign Committee. Blame the mistakes of 1998 on him. Make his position elective rather than appointed. Never mind that the guy didn't do squat without asking Newt's permission.
In fact, no House Republican made a move without first checking with Newt. Henry Hyde said the decision to publish the Starr Report "Came from a higher pay grade."
And before Newt announced his resignation on Friday, Bob Livingston faxed him a 16-point ultimatum demanding full control of the Appropriations Committee (the committee he chairs) in return for his continued fealty. No dice.
Newt made the decision and the media buy 5 days before the election to air Lewinsky-flavored anti-Clinton ads, which contributed to Republican losses. But did Newt take responsibility for the bad decision? Has he ever?
So what now for Newt? A Churchillian retreat until his party needs him again. Will he run for president in 2000? No way.
Room for Movement in Polls
Portsmouth: 05/10/99—Al Gore beats Bill Bradley 3 to 1 in a new WMUR/CNN poll of NH voters. The poll, conducted by the University of NH, gave Gore 68% to Bradley's 23%.
Thirty-nine percent said they didn't know enough about Bradley to vote for him, while only 40% said they felt Gore “could be trusted most of the time.”
Forty-six percent said Gore possesses “strong leadership qualities.” Twenty-four percent said the same of Bradley.
So the Democrat race remains ripe for either:
1. A third candidate, such as Jesse Jackson (and considering the huge sum of still-to-be-raised cash required, that's not likely) or;
2. Bradley will overcome his public awareness deficit over the next nine months and give Gore a good ass-wuppin' next February 15th.
I tend toward the latter explanation, because that's the show NH gets paid to put on, and that's what people expect.
Smith Bolts Party; Party Gives him a Shove
Tuftonboro, NH: 11JUL99—As reported here earlier in the year, Sen Bob Potato Head Smith (R-NH) will leave the Republican Party to pursue the presidency as a 3rd party candidate, most probably as the standard bearer of Howard Philip's US Taxpayer Party, soon to be renamed the US Constitutional Party. And if there's anything Bob Smith needs more than any other man alive (besides a good blowjob) it's nice big constitutional. After that, he wouldn't only be gone from the Republican Party, he'd disappear from the face of the earth.
Smith, a notorious dunderhead and egomaniac, says he's fed up with the “squishy” politics of the current Republican Party. According to Smith, they're soft on abortion, morally corrupt, and don't even want to kill commies anymore.
Smith is a wild-eyed anti-government conservative who hasn't made an honest non-government dollar since 1984 when he went to congress (actually he was a public school teacher before that and in the navy before that, so he's never been off the public dole).
And he has the meagerest of congressional careers. Smith has never sponsored a piece of important legislation that was reported favorably out of committee; he has made a living off the hopes and fears of families of MIAs and POWs; he carries fetuses around in his coat pocket, has the worst comb-over in American history, and his vitriol against gay people is as nasty and hateful as anything Hitler ever said about the Jews.
So good-bye Sen. Potato Head. You won't be missed.
Putting the Con Back in Convention
Boston Mayor Tom "Mumbles" Menino and DNC Co-Chair, Steve Grossman (a Massachusetts native) are making every effort to nail down Bean Town as the site of the Democratic 2000 Convention.
Denver is also in the running, home of the other DNC Co-Chair, Gov. Roy Romer.
The inside money, however, is on Los Angeles. California packs 50 electoral votes and is usually a jump ball between Democrats and Republicans in a presidential election. So the DNC (where the final decision rests) would love to give the Golden State a good reason to pull the chain for their candidate.
Is this rational thinking? Anyone who has attended a national convention would be hard pressed to explain why residents of the host state are more likely to vote for their party. A full week of dumb-hat and button wearing, booze-swilling, ultra-partisan hacks and swells is no more pleasant than blurry-eyed Shriners wearing barf-buckets on their heads and driving go-karts in circles. In any case, by November, will Californians remember the $130 million revenue boost the Dems gave LA in July? And if they do, is that reason enough to vote D rather than R?
Three other cities remain contenders: Miami, Minneapolis and New Orleans at least until today when the College of Cardinals at the DNC reduces the number of finalists by half. Romer and Grossman will choose from the remaining three. A final decision is expected in January.
Smith Amends Constitution Party Platform
Portsmouth, NH: 13AUG99—Sen Bob Potato Head Smith, shunned like a scabby-assed dog by his former political partners since his defection from the Republican Party, will be the US Taxpayers Party (USTP) presidential standard bearer in 2000.
The USTP, soon to be renamed The Conservative Party, is the progeny of Californian Howie Philips, one of the finest minds of the 15th century, an authoritarian theocrat whose Party considers adultery a capital crime. Philips and his followers are constitutional fundamentalists who read the founding fathers as narrowly as they read the bible. Sen Potato Head should be very happy there.
Smith plans to spray his own tag on the inchoate Conservative Party and change a plank or two. For instance, the USTP calls for the election of US Senators by state legislatures (the Constitution is an idol of thought for USTP). That's a plank that stings Smith personally. Given the unkind things many Republican politicians said about him when he bolted their party, it's hard to imagine that he could have risen to his present political stature if they'd had their way.
Keyes Announces?
Bedford, NH: 21SEP99—Alan Keyes, the radio talk show host who would be king, gathered his Christian soldiers at CR Sparks Restaurant today for a major announcement. It was hush-hush for a while, but when the rumor mill churned out a report that he was getting out of the race, the Keyes campaign quickly let it be known that he would actually officially announce his candidacy today. Ouch.
Keyes polls in single digits nationally and in NH. In 1996, in his first run for president, he got 5,572 votes in the NH Republican primary, or 2.65%. Ouch, ouch.
Who's Behind Buchanan's Reform Move?
Manchester, NH: 25SEP99—The Buchanan Gang's attempted coup d`etat of the Reform Party of NH caused the shaky-legged third wayers to indefinitely postpone their convention, according to a spokesman. NHRP Chairman John Talbot says Buchanan's national campaign became such an irritant, and was so obviously planning a putsch to put their people in leadership positions, that the only way to avoid the takeover was to not meet this weekend in Manchester.
Talbot says it’s nothing personal against Buchanan, but the Party's primary goal is to elect people to state and local office in NH not to advance the presidential ambitions of any particular candidate 14 months ahead of the election.
Talbot didn't mention that it was his scalp that the peasants with pitchforks were after (a good reason to call off the convention), or that top national Reform Party people are also pushing for Buchanan, namely Ross Perot, his 1996 RP Veep candidate Pat Choate, and RP Chairman Russ Verney. Verney is from NH, ran for Congress here in 1982 and was well-known Democrat hack; he’s also a former PATCO air traffic controller fired by Buchanan's hero and former boss, Ronald Reagan.
Egad. Pat Buchanan, Ross Perot, Bay Buchanan and Pat Choate – politics makes strange bedfellows and this is one ugly-ass orgy.
Vote and Early and Whenever
Concord, NH: 29SEP99—Hold onto your hotel reservations, your Get-Out-The-Vote plans, your local media buys and your news anchor autograph book the NH Presidential Primary has been moved up a week.
NH Sec'y of State Bill Gardner, the Stythian hound of NH's number one status, says the date of the primary must be changed from Feb. 8th to Feb. 1st, 2000, because Delaware and its primary wouldn't give the Granite State its one week berth. NH state law mandates that its presidential primary is held one week before any other primary. Delaware state law says it will hold its presidential primary four days after NH. This puts the two states at odds and though the Republican Party has given up on trying to crowd NH, Delaware Democrats say Gardner's move to Feb. 1st may force them to hold their primary on Feb. 5th. Confused? Good. Election law is meant to be Byzantine to keep people like you off the ballot.
The NH Primary was held on Feb. 20th in 1996 and Feb. 18th in 1992. Until 1976, when other states started trying to move in on the First in the Nation franchise, the NH Primary was routinely held in March.
In order to maintain its 8-day jump on the NH primary, Iowa will have to change the date of its caucuses from Jan. 31st to Jan. 24th. Iowa pols and election officials are not happy.
One positive outcome of the date change will be to relieve the high-pressure compression of this quadrennial's front-loaded primary schedule. By March 7th, 30 primaries and caucuses will have occurred. By March 14, 35 will have taken place and the nominees of both parties chosen.
The New Republican Fall Line Up (in the nicest sense of the word, of course) has Changed
Some are gone from the race; others have left the Party.
Round Up
1. George Dubba Bush remains the frontrunner. Lest we forget, Gov. Bush was prodded into this race by bored pollsters who 18 months ago had nothing better to do but present voters with a list of “prominent” Republicans and ask which of them was their preference for president in 2000. Since few voters recognized the names of more accomplished governors, such as John Engler (R-MI) and Tommy Thompson (R-WI), they said they liked George Bush. And whether or not they knew which George Bush is not at question. Obviously they didn't know which George Bush. In any case, smelling a winner, Republican Party moneybags pelted the Dubba with $1000 checks, and here we are.
2. John McCain is Bush’s only real competition for the Republican nomination. McCain, however, is ill suited for the job; he’s a shade too crazy. He dismisses his nuttiness as the result of too many sharp blows to the head at the Hanoi Hilton, but his anger management problems are more likely rooted in his familial relationships (eg. perhaps his father was a prick). The reason is unimportant. People should be raising the, “Do you want this guy’s finger on the button?” question of McCain. Especially since beefing up the military is the central plank in his platform.
3. Steve Forbes ought to be running for Frank Lautenberg’s soon-to-be-vacant senate seat in New Jersey. He can’t win the presidency; he shouldn’t win the presidency. The only thing he has ever has won was the sperm lottery, which endowed him with the means to do whatever he wants. And what he wants is to be the CEO of America. He’ll draw a significant number of votes here in NH and run third. That’s enough to encourage a guy like him. He’ll probably be back in 2004. Let’s look at the bright side and call it a re-distribution of wealth.
4. Elizabeth Dole suffers from the long-settled and unambiguous truth that America does not want Bob Dole as president -- not in 1976 (VP), 1980, 1988 or 1996. Not now, not ever.
5. Gary Bauer. Who cares? Even if he has been getting Lewinskies from some young starry-eyed acolyte (which I doubt), he’s running for president to enhance his Q-rating and to push the policies of the holy-roller Family Research Council. Maybe there’s a lesson in there for Gary, about not judging others too harshly.
6. Alan Keyes. What, aside from ego, (and we all know it’s not ego, because god says ego is bad) makes Dr. Keyes run?
7. Orrin Hatch, for all his idolatry of the Constitution, cares little for the rights of others and has, as Chairman of Judiciary, gutted more of our civil liberties than any US senator since Joe McCarthy. Fortunately, he has no chance of accomplishing anything in NH except to make an ass of himself, which he’ll do early and often.
8. Pat Buchanan is a Republican until October 15th when he’ll move to the Reform Party. Many Republicans (but most notably not Dubba) are saying, “Go Pat Go.” His new book, A Republic, Not an Empire, leaves no doubt about Buchanan’s fascist sensibility. He should be an object of derision and shame. Instead, the Reform Party, hungry for evermore-exotic standard bearers, is welcoming him. Why? So it can be assured its 5% of the vote. Otherwise, the Party loses ballot access in many states and $13 million in federal funds.
Coehelo High on the Hog; Bauer’s B-b-bad?
Portsmouth, NH: 2OCT99—Al Gore’s campaign team is self-destructing. Campaign Manager Craig Smith says he doesn't need power, prestige and income if it means living in Tennessee. I can’t blame him.
And Tony Coehelo is back up to tricks, living the high life on somebody else’s nickel, a game he never tires of. The State Dep't gotcha report on Tony's Portuguese vacation will most surely drive him from Gore’s command tent. Campaign advisor Carter Eskew is in line to run the show in Nashville. So is his arch-enemy Bob Squier. If this campaign were alive, it would be close to death.
Gary Bauer Wielding his Nasty Little Bits at the Office?
I can’t see it, so maybe there is god. But his campaign chief Charlie Jarvis left his $122K Bauer gig to become a volunteer for Steve Forbes. Jarvis couldn't countenance all the time Gary spent behind closed doors with a young woman. Bauer swears it’s a load of hooey. Which of course means either Bauer is lying or Jarvis is a living specimen of American Hezbollah.
Bradley Plays Goalie for Gore Dart Team
Dover, NH: 7OCT99—In a campaign stop here yesterday Veep Al Gore accused Bill Bradley of being a “quitter” because he left the senate in 1996. Bradley, fed up with raising $10k a day in campaign funds for the unhappy privilege of sitting in the minority, moved on after 18 years in Washington. Gore, a creature of DC, born and bred in its shallow sense of entitlement, can't comprehend the urge to leave it. It’s no secret that voters wish that many more members of congress would follow Bradley’s lead out the door, that we view temperance as healthy and mature.
Bradley, ever the gentleman, wouldn’t take Gore's bait. He called it “dartboard politics” and made clear that it’s not his sport. So he chose not respond to Gore's swipes even the one about Bradley not being much of a Democrat.
We must remind Gore that it was he and Clinton who got between the sheets with Newt Gingrich and Tom Delay to push draconian welfare reform on the poor (Bradley voted against it); it was he and Clinton who slopped like pigs in campaign money from anyone who offered it, including big tobacco (Bradley refused); it was he and Clinton who ran like scalded dogs from health care reform (Bradley has re-opened a national forum on the issue), and; it was he and Clinton who helped start and then promoted the Democrat Leadership Council. Real Democrats weren't Republican enough to suit them.
Shaheen Backs Off Feb. 1st Primary Date Stands
Concord, NH: 9OCT99—NH Gov. Slot Machine Jeanne Shaheen is becoming Al Gore’s largest liability in the state. The Governor and her husband, Gore’s NH campaign chair, did their best to dislodge NH from its death-grip on the leadoff primary position this week – and lost. The damage done to them and Al Gore is significant. Real people may not remember these matters in a week, but the hacks never forget.
Bill Bradley owes many early endorsements to the growing anti-Shaheen bias among Democrat activists. And recent events aggravate these rumblings. If Bradley continues to draw independent voters, while growing numbers of street level Dems also migrate to him, NH primary day will be the Battle of Nashville for Al Gore.
It appears sleight-of-hand man Tony Coehelo will be staying on as general chairman of Gore 2000. There's probably a shortage of $18,000 a month apartments for him to rent in Nashville, but he’ll tough it out somehow.
Craig Smith’s replacement as Gore 2000 campaign manager, Donna Brazile, calls them as she sees them or at least she did. It got her canned from the Dukakis campaign in 1988. She called George Bush a “racist” and wanted him to comment on reports of his philandering. (You got a problem with that?) Remember Dukakis also dumped campaign manger and longtime friend/strategist John Sasso that year for a “dirty trick” that drove Joe Biden from the race. It was as ugly as it was amusing.
Neither of them should have been fired. They were much-needed to answer a much nastier disinformation campaign waged by the Bush camp. Dukakis brought Sasso back when it was too late – ever the sanctimonious ass, had to prove he was more highly evolved than the average pol. Now he’s more highly evolved than the average itinerant lecturer.
Insiders tell NHPS the Gore campaign is suffering terminal top-down disease and shows no sign of improvement. Decisions of any weight, including all scheduling, are made nationally. It’s tough to run a retail campaign in NH from an office in Tennessee.
Smith Wants Back in the Big Bed
Manchester, NH:14OCT99—Sen Bob Potato Head Smith (I) was on a Manchester radio talk show yesterday discussing the Comprehensive Nuclear Test Ban Treaty (surprise, he’s against it). During the discussion, Smith used the personal pronoun “we” when referring to the official Republican position on the now-defunct peace plan. Does this mean:
1. Now that he’s realized that he’s not going to be elected president (or re-elected senator), he takes back all those nasty things he said about the Republican Party being a bunch of shallow greedheads.
2. He forgets leaving the Republican Party altogether. Just can’t recall.
3. He’s planning to run for re-election in 2002 and figures if he pretends to be a Republican, nobody will notice he’s not.
4. All of the above.
Republican Debate/Campaign a Snooze
Don’t’ Even Wake Me When It’s Over
Portsmouth, NH: 4DEC99—In twenty years of doing this, I have never been so underwhelmed by a coterie of presidential candidates. They are a hot shot of methadone for political junkies.
Looking for the “debate” on television Thursday night, I thought I’d inadvertently punched up the WB Network instead of Fox News; the Republican six-pack standing there on the tacky techno set looked like the bridge crew of “Star Trek Voyager.”
In Tip O'Neill's words, “the idiot sons of the idle rich” were well represented in George Dubba Bush and Malcolm Stevensen Forbes, III.
Forbes fakes blinking so he’ll look human. But he didn’t blink once when he denied Microsoft is a monopoly. And as proof, he cited the success of “Loonix.” He meant “Linux,” of course, a rival operating system to Windows, but no one caught him on it, because the mainstream media is as out of it as he is.
When Brit Hume asked Bush, “What do you read?” He replied, “What do I read?” not because he didn’t hear the question, but to buy time. When my wife asks, “Where have you been?” and I respond “Where have I been?” you can bet the next thing out of my mouth is a lie.
The moderators needled John McCain about his temper, but he managed to temporarily defuse the issue with “humor.”
Then, all on his own, he wandered frighteningly close to a slip in his 12-step anger program. A question about the stock market became a McCain diatribe on the Russians in Chechnya. His eyes got glassy, moist and far away, he swaggered a little, ignored the time bell’s ring, stabbed his finger at the TV cameras and babbled like Alan Keyes on a double espresso. Brit Hume mercifully shut him down by demanding an answer to the original question about the stock market.
The awful truth is the Russians aren’t doing anything to the Chechens that McCain didn’t do to the Vietnamese. His own campaign ads boast, “John was shot down over Vietnam and dragged away by an angry mob.” You bet your ass they were angry Senator. You were bombing the poor bastards in their homes.
Gary Bauer made no headway in the debate. He even lost his bid to stand on an apple crate so America learned that not only is he a ringer for Taco Bell Chihuahua, he’s also the same height.
Alan Keyes proved that he is, perhaps, a cut above the average bible-waver shouting on a street corner. But not by much. Go away Ambassador Keyes. Go home and help your wife with your kids, for Christ’s sake.
Last and least, Orrin Hatch proposed to his fellow candidates that they turn the rest of the campaign into a Republican Road Trip cruising the byways of New Hampshire, singing six-part harmony to every hymn Orrin knows, and do a sideshow in every little town. It's a better idea than the one he had a few days before when, speaking to the Republican Jewish Congress, he advocated (though only in a Freudian sense) making Jerusalem the capital of Utah.
The NH Republican Presidential Debate Round 2
Jesus-mongering, Whining, Shrugging, Head-bobbing, Snorting
Portsmouth, NH: 9JAN00—The moderator, Tim Russert, started it; then the Union Leader’s John DiStaso made it worse with a question to George Dubba: “Do you swear to god that you won't raise taxes?”
At the risk of disedifying the religious right (as if I care), and sounding like I have sand in my panties, I must remind them that it’s not only un-Christian, but generally distasteful to put one’s faith in service to one’s political career. Thanks to the Christian Coalition, that’s not true anymore. They use religion as a marketing tool.
Look, for instance, at the Yellow Pages in South Carolina and you'll find the following blurb prominently displayed in many ads:
“A Christ-Centered Business." Is there a Christian way to peddle insurance or kill cockroaches – excuse me, palmetto bugs?
As George W. Bush would say, “If you don't know, I can’t explain it to you.”
It reminds me of something William S. Burroughs once wrote: “When doing business with a religious son of a bitch, get it in writing.” And if you don't understand that, I can’t explain it to you.
America needs its don’t-ask, don’t tell policy on religion back; maybe then the Republicans will stop auditioning for preacher and start running for president.
According to Dick Morris’ Vote.com, Bradley beat Gore 89% to 11% in this week’s Democrat debate. Their responses to questions about gays serving openly in the military proved emblematic of the difference between them. Gore requires a litmus test of the Joint Chiefs while Bradley simply expects good soldiers to follow the Commander in Chief's orders. It's a fundamentally different leadership style. Gore wields power; Bradley leads.
Thursday night in Portsmouth, Gov. Jeanne Shaheen, Gore's most prominent NH supporter (her husband is his campaign manager), attended a town meeting regarding a new statewide property tax she signed last year. Four hundred people showed up and nearly lynched her. Lucky thing prior to coming she asked the Mayor for extra police protection and arrived with four shaved apes of her own in tow -- this is in the most Democratic and liberal city in the state. Gore must be happy he hitched himself to her.
Jack McEnany
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