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CONFIDENTIAL MEMO
From: Karl RoveTo: Need to Know OnlyRE: The Katrina Effect
We don’t say Hurricane Katrina, do we? Just Katrina. Like OJ – a name nobody but a mental case will give their kid for a long time to come. Or “Madonna,” for that matter, a woman who splayed her kootchie for a coffee table book. Please. Who’s going to saddle their little girl with that handle? There are many other examples, so I could go on. But I won’t.
Here’s a secret: the name Katrina rings in my ears like that damn 24 theme that I can’t shake either. So let me be perfectly clear: when I should be sleeping the three hours I’m lucky to get a night, I have hot sweats about Katrina. I also suffer from guilty ruminations for destroying what little credibility the boss had going in, and frankly, I sometimes think about pulling my car into the garage, leaving it running, and going to sleep. Fortunately for America, my garage is full of old campaign crap that I’m too anal to get rid of. But that could change.
Now that the war has gone to absolute shit, and POTUS is at 29% in the polls, what you’re looking at is ole Karl trolling for some new ideas. So please people, and I’ll say this just once, bring your brains to work tomorrow – we’ve got work to do.
The way I see it, since the Democrats lack the stones to do anything about the war, or even the high crimes we’re all guilty of, they’d love nothing more than to put our face in a fan for screwing up another natural disaster. It’s a non-partisan, competency issue – for which, I might remind you, few of us had passing marks on in our last review. So Katrina II is not going to happen. Say that with me: Katrina II is not going to happen
And we are improving on this front. Know that. Case in point: tornadoes in Georgia – we’re all over that shit. Personal visit by POTUS (with passably genuine solemnity and concern – wasn’t that fuckin great!), plus promises of federal aid up the peach pit, and hey – problem solved. See how easy that was? Sure, it was simpler than Katrina because the affected communities we visited were white, in a state with a Republican governor. But I believe we should consider responding to Blue state non-terrorist related emergencies as well.
I’m just spit balling here, so strategic feedback is welcome. I want to hear from each and every one of you, and if by Friday afternoon you have no workable input to help control the weather and/or win the war in Iraq, please come to my office at my earliest convenience so that I can scream at you like you just shit on my rug.
That is all.
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